I fundamentally believe that marriage should be fun. Think back to when you were first dating, when falling in love was so natural. You probably enjoyed each other. I imagine you had fun, you talked, you dreamed, you laughed, you dated and had adventures and new experiences together.
But then life happened. You grew up. You had kids, maybe some more schooling, jobs, bills and stress. Fun and flirtation was probably replaced by responsibility and survival. If you’ve disconnected over the years or hurt feelings and resentments are getting in the way of you really enjoying your relationship, I can help.
We’ll dig through the sources of disconnection and pain, and we’ll also talk about who you are today—what you need now to feel loved and connected.
I often use an analogy of a “love bank”. When the relationship is new you’re filling up each other’s love banks with tons of deposits. You spend hours talking, you are agreeable and easy going, and you gladly do what the other person likes doing. Physical intimacy was probably passionate and frequent, and you tried hard to put your best foot forward. There’s so much good going in, the annoying traits you both have or the small disagreements barely make a dent in your relationship.
For example, if you have $10,000 in your bank account and you’re getting regular deposits you might not even notice if someone came along and stole $20. However, if you’ve only got $21 in your bank account and someone steals that same $20, it’s going to feel like a huge deal. Just like with our finances, our goal is to increase meaningful deposits and minimize unnecessary withdrawals in the relationship.
We’ll examine what some of the huge emotional setbacks have been and heal from those, but we’ll also want to talk about the here and now. What are some small, easy tweaks that you can both make to add more and take away less? And then how can we build on that and make bigger deposits and slow down the bigger, more frequent withdrawals.
Is marriage counseling right for you?
Some couples don’t seek counseling until they’re emotionally bankrupt. If that’s where you are, don’t worry. We can deal with that and we can get you love “rich” again. But please know that it will take YOUR hard work to turn things around. Emotionally bankrupt couples often see the massive changes their partner needs to make and feel unwilling to make a big effort themselves until they see evidence that their partner is doing so. It can be hard work to choose to let go of resentments, soften your heart and be vulnerable again. If you are ready to sincerely do that work, marriage counseling can be an incredibly rewarding process. I can help you get back to joy, love and happiness with your partner.
I’d like you to earnestly ask yourself these questions about marriage counseling:
Am I ready to give this my all?
Am I ready to look at and humbly accept responsibility for the pains that I have caused and my behaviors that take a toll on the relationship?
If you and your partner can both answer “yes!” then, please, call me and let’s get started. If one or both of you answer “no”, my experience is that marriage counseling right now isn’t going to be a good fit. Progress is slow, meaning it takes a lot longer and is way more expensive. And it just really isn’t fun for any of us. I’d hate for you to try counseling now when you’re in a “no” place, have it be ineffective or inefficient and then conclude that counseling doesn’t work. If you can’t offer a whole-hearted “yes!” right now but you want to be in that willing-to-work place, let’s start with some individual sessions.
Benefits of Marriage Counseling
Increased Love & Affection
More Peace in Your Daily Life
Greater Sense of Closeness
Improved Feelings of Harmony
Ready to take the next step towards healing your marriage? Let’s schedule a free consultation.